Monday, August 13, 2012

Here's Something You Won't Find in the Already Non-Existent Parenting Manual

There are so many things I know I'd love to look up in the parenting manual had I ever been given one when any of my five children were born.  You know, things like how to keep your toddler from throwing food on the floor, easy tricks for potty training or maybe even how to convince them that a clean room is the only way to go.  Much to my dismay, no such book exists.  So instead of sulking this morning about an unfortunate incident, I thought I'd share it to help other parents realize that they aren't alone.

Last night I had fallen asleep on the couch watching television.  My husband was sleeping in the bedroom along with my one year old.  He's been sleeping in his playpen in there temporarily (the baby, not the husband).  The hubby woke me up before he went to work this morning and told me the baby, Q, had a bad night.  He's cutting some molars, so it's to be expected.

At about 8am I heard the little guy screaming.  Not continuous screaming, but a shout here and there.  I finally roll off of the couch and head up there to get him.  I walk in and the first thing I see is his eenie weenie wee-wee.  No diaper.  I look a little to the right and I find the diaper.  He had thrown it out of the playpen and so kindly onto the hubby's guitar case, pee pee side down.

Most parents' first reaction would be to rush to the diaper, collect it up and Clorox wipe the crap out of the guitar case.  Not me.  I take a more outside of the box approach and take an iPhone picture of the crime scene.  I send it off to my husband and make sure he notices where the diaper landed.  As I'm standing there texting back and forth with him I begin to smell an oh so familiar smell.  It's a smell only a mother can truly hate with every fiber of her being.  Poo.  This definitely complicates the crime scene.

How did I not notice it before?  Maybe he had just done it?  I finally pick up the diaper and see that there are poop remnants in the diaper that was pee pee side down on the guitar case.  Where is it?  Where?  I glance over into the playpen and I finally see it.... the little turd (the actually poop and not the baby).  It must have blended in with his oh so convenient jungle scened playpen mattress.  None-the-less, there it was.

Now I have a bigger problem on my hands.  As a parent you quickly learn that when it rains it pours.  It was about to get torrential.  Q has a really bad habit when he gets angry.  He does some very dramatic body turn and he throws himself down.  Well, because I wanted to do some cleaning up before I removed him from the playpen he got mad at me.  Pissed off even.  I watch him as if it was in slow motion.  He turns, screams and throws himself down.... ON THE POO.  Really?  Life was that terrible that you wanted to drown yourself in poo?  C'mon kid.

So, after everything got scrubbed down and Q had a pleasant morning bath (yea, his life really sucks) life is now back to normal... until the next event occurs that will no doubt leave me in disbelief for days.

Here's the tip that should be in the parenting manual, if anyone ever makes one.  Please, oh please, make sure you put pants on your kid at bedtime.  Hell, not just at bedtime, at ALL times.  Never should any kid be with out pants.  If not, there's no telling what repercussions you could face!

Happy Monday!

P.S. Just so you know I'm not making this all up (as if I'd totally want to):

Thursday, February 23, 2012

So Proud of Myself

You've just gotta love Pinterest.  The best place to get ideas for just about every single thing you want to do in life.  About a day or two before my son's 7th birthday I happened to find this recipe for a rainbow cake.  I'm the type of person who likes to take on challenges.  Despite the fact that I'm definitely no Betty Crocker.  I love to conquer these little things and, surprisingly so, I am getting better at it.

So here's a photo of the cake I found on Pinterest, and if you'd like the recipe simply visit Love & Olive Oil

I looked over the recipe and saw that I had most of the things that I needed already to make it.  The only thing I was really lacking was cake pans.  Nothing that a quick Jewel trip couldn't fix.

The recipe does state to use food color gels because you get more vibrant color.  I'm not really sure if that's true or not.  I used the liquid for mine.  I would recommend having more than one red handy though because you use that one the most and mine wasn't as red as I would have wanted.  I would also recommend dialing down the almond extract by maybe half or 3/4 depending on how much you enjoy that flavor.

The cake was surprisingly easy to put together and I think being the fumble fingers that I am, the hardest part was actually frosting the damn thing.  I thought by the time we cut it open I would have frosted all the crumbly pieces together and it would be a big cake mush.  (I am Type A... what do you want?)

Quite the contrary, however.  I couldn't have been more pleased when I pulled that first slice out!

My birthday boy got the chocolate M&M cake he asked for and got a fun surprise along with it!  Usually they want a Costco or Portillo's chocolate cake, but I think my fun rainbow cake surprise came in a close 2nd (well 3rd really)!

Saturday, January 28, 2012

It Had to Happen Eventually

Something that happened today dealt me a really good laugh.  The husband, the kids and I were getting ready to head to a couple of places to check their stash of kitchen tables.  We are trying to replace the one we have for our move.

Before we left I told the hubby that the baby needed to be changed and that I would fix a bottle for the road.  I left him to that chore and went off to do mine.  I retrieved the car seat for the little guy and my husband put his jacket on and strapped him in.  

We were taking two cars so that in case we saw something we liked, we could have enough room to transport it with out having to make the kids ride on the roof.  My husband and three of my boys rode in the pick up and the baby and I rode in my SUV.  We headed out, stopped at the Good Will store  and then headed off to HOBO, which took about 20 minutes.  

When we arrived, I unbuckled the baby to carry him in.  I noticed that his pants were soggy.  It was a little weird being that he had just been changed.  I thought maybe he was just a little sweaty and didn't think much else of it.  Besides, I hadn't brought a change of clothes, just fresh diapers.

We finish at HOBO and decide we are going to head to Big Lots.  When we go there, I again took the baby out of the car and noticed how much more soggy he was.  We go into the store where I ask my husband to hold the baby up so I can look at his diaper.  At this point I couldn't figure out why he was so wet.  I thought maybe there was a pooping issue.  

I pulled the top part of his pants down a little bit and picked up the edge of his onesie.  No diaper.  None.  Just his butt, the onesie and a pair of pants.  

I looked at my husband and said, "He does not have a diaper on".  We stared at each other in disbelieve for a good minute before we both busted out laughing.  What else can you do when you are in the middle of Big Lots and discover your sopping wet baby isn't wearing a diaper?  

My husband's reaction was to say, "I swear I put a diaper on him!".  To which I replied, "well, unless he ate it along the way, he isn't wearing one now!".  

This has never happened to us before.  In the history of our five children, not once have we ever forgotten a diaper.  I'm still in shock.  Definitely shocked.

All is okay now though.  The little guy had a head to toe bath and his clothes and car seat cover are bouncing around in the dryer.  All is now right with the world.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Fried Eggs

The other morning I took my first shot at making fried eggs for breakfast.  It sounds pretty darn easy.  Melt some butter, crack the eggs in the pan and let them cook.  I thought I was being all fancy because I was following a recipe from the Food Network magazine.  Yep, a fancy egg recipe.  Shut up... there is such a thing.

I failed miserably.  I overcooked the yolks that were supposed to be all nice and runny and the bottom of the egg was burned.  I totally never thought I'd be talking about "nice and runny" eggs.  I've always hated the thoughts of any eggs that were not scrambled.  It actually made me come close to wanting to vomit.  I guess in my aging wisdom, I thought I should at least give them a try.  I would hate to meet my maker with out ever having tried a runny egg.

Anyway,  so I gave my 13 year old son the overcooked unmasterpiece (because 13 year olds will eat anything) and decided I would try again another day.

Another day came this morning.  I remembered that I wanted to keep the fire a little lower and to use a back burner.  I melted some butter and cracked two eggs into the pan.  I guess I used a tad too much butter because the pan was spitting at my like an angry camel.  The eggs overcooked again and this time my 13 year old was at school, so I couldn't feed them to him.  Down the drain they went.  I decided to try again.  Less butter this time and a bigger pan.  Still overcooked.  I think the Food Network magazine doesn't know how to fry eggs.  The recipe says you don't have to flip them, that you just cover the eggs after the outsides start to turn white.  You keep them covered for 4-6 minutes at medium high heat.  I'm sorry, (in the spirit of 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding') that no work.  Two more eggs down the drain.

I decided to stop trying to be fancy and find myself a youtube video about frying an egg.  Turns out there are a lot of them.  All of them call for a little egg flipping action.  I pulled out pan #3 and decided to only try one egg this time.  I used some of my husband's spiffy Butter Buds cooking spray instead of melting butter, let it heat up for a minute and then cracked the egg.

I clenched my tush and waited as I watched the outsides slowly turn white.  When I thought the time was right, I shoved my metal spatula under the egg (which doesn't do the job the way I'd like... need to remind the husband about picking up a nice, flexible plastic one) and gave it a quick flip.  I let is set for about a minute or two and then turned the fire off.

Viola.  I got myself a successfully fried egg.

I found that I actually liked it!  Maybe I am fancy after all!